1
00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:06,720
Would you listen to me, Doc? I cannot
perform this operation.

2
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:10,460
I am a lawyer, for God's sake. I was
trained to ruin people's lives, not save

3
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:11,460
them.

4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:13,480
Fielding, you've got to do it.

5
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:14,920
I don't know what I'm doing.

6
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:18,280
Okay, fine, I played doctor once, but
then we both took showers and went home.

7
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,340
Look, Fielding, if her appendix
ruptures, she could die in the next few

8
00:00:22,580 --> 00:00:24,720
Now, because of you, I can't operate.

9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,580
Well, why me? Why not one of them?

10
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,940
Because I need somebody whose first
language is English so that my every

11
00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:35,280
instruction is understood.

12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:43,660
Doctor Mooney, radio almost thawed out.

13
00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:46,700
Oh, great. Now we can get a real doctor
here with hands and everything.

14
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,100
It's probably broken anyway.

15
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:49,800
Took a hell of a lick when I crashed.

16
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:54,160
No wonder I've got a headache.

17
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,760
That water's got to be boiling hot. Doc,
would you listen to me? Now look,

18
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:00,780
Fielding. Buck up.

19
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,420
We're depending on you here.

20
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,500
I've got a feeling you're going to do a
hell of a job, too.

21
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,040
Okay, okay, fine, fine. I'll do it.

22
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,440
Oh, boy.

23
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,720
We in deep shupu now.

24
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:22,380
Well, Keita, let's see how you're doing.

25
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,680
Ooh, somebody's lunch is in a hurry.

26
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,360
You know, you helped me, Dan Fielding.

27
00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:46,600
One look, I see you're a man of honor
and decency.

28
00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:49,740
Doc, quick, get over here. She's
hallucinating.

29
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,960
That's the anesthetic. A little
something I mixed up myself.

30
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,620
I want to go to the Big Apple, Dan
Fielding.

31
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,180
I want a tango at the Rainbow Room.

32
00:02:02,910 --> 00:02:05,170
I want dinner at Elaine's with Woody and
Mia.

33
00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:09,770
No, trust me, he's such a bore since he
stopped making comedies.

34
00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:12,810
Okay,

35
00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:15,870
that's it, Kesa. Just relax, okay?

36
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,070
Relax. Go to sleep, all right?

37
00:02:19,370 --> 00:02:23,210
And when you wake up, everything will be
just fine.

38
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,410
Is that a promise, Dan Fielding?

39
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:28,850
It's a guarantee.

40
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:35,190
I'm going to kill her.

41
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:44,170
Gosh, this is hard.

42
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,190
It's the first eulogy I've ever written.

43
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:51,530
Dear friends, gosh, this is hard.

44
00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:55,170
It's the first eulogy I've ever written.

45
00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:58,970
Um, excuse me.

46
00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:03,290
Would either of you be interested in
contributing to a fund to build a

47
00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:04,290
to Dan?

48
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,110
Phil, what a wonderful idea.

49
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:11,090
Yeah. I thought I'd get one of those
classy liverware sculptures of him and

50
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,450
it on display in the courtroom.

51
00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:14,170
I like it.

52
00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:16,010
Sentimental, but good on a cracker.

53
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:18,870
Darn it, sir.

54
00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:21,230
Dan deserves better than... Lunch meat?

55
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:23,910
No, the eulogy.

56
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,590
Why am I having so much trouble finding
something nice to say about Dan?

57
00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:29,680
Hey, I've got an idea.

58
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,120
Remember the time Dan used CPR to save
my life?

59
00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:36,260
Remember how disappointed he was that
you came to so quick?

60
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:43,020
And he insisted that I show my gratitude
by sleeping with him? Well, when the

61
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,140
moment finally came, he couldn't do it.

62
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,720
You mean Dan's spark plug wouldn't fire?

63
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,200
No, he was a gentleman.

64
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:56,340
And the fact that he couldn't touch
me... touched me.

65
00:03:57,089 --> 00:04:01,550
Well, that's sweet, but I don't see
starting a eulogy with Dan Fielding, the

66
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:03,870
who couldn't go through with forcing me
into bed.

67
00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:09,290
Excuse me, Your Honor, I got that
picture of Dan for the ceremony like you

68
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,950
asked. Great, Bull. Then we're pretty
much all set, except for the eulogy.

69
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:16,070
You don't have any ideas on that, do
you?

70
00:04:16,470 --> 00:04:17,470
Let's see.

71
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:20,990
Did you mention that Dan was a mammal?

72
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:26,710
Oh, big guy, that one flipped right by
us.

73
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,370
That's what I'm here for, sir.

74
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,230
Let me take a crack at that.

75
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:40,250
Dan Fielding was...

76
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,760
All right, Fielding. It's showtime.

77
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:57,760
Kameelama. Scalpel.

78
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,560
Shiny.

79
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,280
And sharp.

80
00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:07,780
Now, we start by making an oblique
incision right here down to the

81
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,960
just above the pelvic bone at McBurney's
point.

82
00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:13,780
At McBurney's point? You know, I hear
it's lovely this time of the year. Come

83
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,280
on, Fielding. Strike her right here.

84
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,020
About four inches long, quarter of an
inch deep.

85
00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:42,190
Okay. All right.

86
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:43,810
Yep.

87
00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:44,990
Operating now.

88
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,370
There.

89
00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:48,690
Very good.

90
00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:51,450
Now, this time, let's try and actually
break the skin.

91
00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:55,310
I'm afraid you were going to say that.

92
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,230
All right. Now, easy does it. Just be
careful.

93
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:01,690
There you go.

94
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:02,790
There you go.

95
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,470
Uh -huh. This isn't so bad.

96
00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:09,350
It's not...

97
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,900
Inside a human? Well, don't that beat
all.

98
00:06:19,860 --> 00:06:22,360
Easy, Fielding. You're doing just fine
there.

99
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,900
Boy, I'll never forget my first
operation.

100
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:31,940
When I stared into that mass of
pulsating gelatinous goo, I almost

101
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:32,940
my surgical mask.

102
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:36,740
Gee, I feel better.

103
00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,460
I mean, Lama, his brow.

104
00:06:40,159 --> 00:06:42,100
Very handsome, like Brow of Eagle.

105
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,900
Why don't you try wiping Brow of Eagle?

106
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,520
Now, just lift up the cecum there.

107
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,980
Now, you see a little worm -like thing
right at the end of it? About three or

108
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,560
four inches long? Ah, that's it. That's
the appendix. How's it look?

109
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:58,820
Oh, gee, cute as a button. I think it's
a waste we wear these on the inside.

110
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,820
You mean, what color is it?

111
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:07,040
Red. Well, excuse me, but I think I am
the one doing the operating here.

112
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:10,710
Bright red.

113
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,710
That means it's inflamed. It's got to
come out for sure.

114
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:14,930
All right.

115
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,710
Clamp it off at the base there.

116
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:18,110
Clamp.

117
00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:21,990
No, no.

118
00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:23,270
Clamp.

119
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:29,169
That's perfect.

120
00:07:29,170 --> 00:07:32,450
All right. Now take the scissors and lop
that little troublemaker off before it

121
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:33,450
ruptures. Scissors.

122
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:38,430
Just be careful.

123
00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:40,810
You can make a clean cut.

124
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:44,450
One false snip and it's curtains for
Keaston.

125
00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:48,590
No pressure.

126
00:07:54,470 --> 00:08:00,510
Oh, boy.

127
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:02,810
Oh, boy.

128
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,610
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

129
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:10,930
These hands just touch to human beings'
intestines.

130
00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:15,450
Don't you guys ever say I don't take you
anywhere, okay?

131
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:20,170
Doc, is she awake? No, no, not yet.

132
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:23,110
Here, why don't you take a pull -off of
this? Make you feel better.

133
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:24,770
Thanks.

134
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:28,070
What the hell?

135
00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:31,090
Neil, what is this?

136
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:33,190
Moose juice.

137
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:35,210
Actually, not bad.

138
00:08:36,530 --> 00:08:37,530
Al Fielding.

139
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:38,850
Hell of a job in there.

140
00:08:39,289 --> 00:08:40,109
Oh, yeah?

141
00:08:40,110 --> 00:08:41,110
Yeah.

142
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:44,230
Good. It means we saved her. Oh, she
would have died for sure.

143
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,150
Now she's got a solid 50 -50 chance.

144
00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:52,570
50 -50? Well, it's not bad when you
operate on the same table where you

145
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:53,570
fish.

146
00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:57,050
Ah, careful. Not too much of that stuff.

147
00:08:57,530 --> 00:09:01,310
I once chugged a bucket of that. I ended
up in Saskatoon wearing pasties and wig

148
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,310
tips.

149
00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:06,470
Um, do you mind if I have a few minutes
alone with...

150
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,020
Shuttle Bullwinkle, please.

151
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:10,640
I understand.

152
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,440
Okay, come on, Fielding.

153
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:17,600
Relax here.

154
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:22,080
After all, you only did what was right.

155
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,520
Right?

156
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,060
Right.

157
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,240
Right?

158
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,360
You are listening to this, aren't you?

159
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,040
Well, if you are, I have just one
question.

160
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:35,700
What did I do to deserve this?

161
00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:37,860
Don't answer that.

162
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,640
You know something? I'm going to tell
you right now, though. It's not entirely

163
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,240
my fault, this lifestyle I lead.

164
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:45,920
Women, for instance.

165
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:53,260
I mean, you didn't have to make women
so... Well, so... Could

166
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,200
have given them a trunk, a tusk.

167
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:58,820
Not that that would have stopped me.

168
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,540
So, listen, what's the story? Do you
feel some kind of need to punish me?

169
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,170
Well, fine, fine.

170
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,650
Punish me. I mean, send out a boil or
two. I can take it.

171
00:10:09,170 --> 00:10:11,170
But you don't put them on the face
anymore, do you?

172
00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:17,070
Doesn't matter. I can handle it. Just...
Don't take it out on Kista.

173
00:10:21,310 --> 00:10:22,310
Listen.

174
00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:30,050
I'll tell you what I'll do.

175
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,070
If you let Kista live, I promise...

176
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:45,910
Boy, it always comes down to this,
doesn't it?

177
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,430
This is where I say I'll be good from
now on.

178
00:10:50,830 --> 00:10:53,110
Well, forget it.

179
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:56,370
You and I know what I'm capable of.

180
00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:58,890
Look.

181
00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:07,950
If you let Keister live, I promise I'll

182
00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:08,970
try to be a little better.

183
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:12,650
Okay?

184
00:11:17,569 --> 00:11:22,730
Okay. Oh, and if you just happen to
think about getting around to it, would

185
00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:24,230
get me the hell out of here?

186
00:11:27,110 --> 00:11:28,110
Doc,

187
00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,010
what is it?

188
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:31,570
You ever sit on a set of antlers?

189
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:35,250
What?

190
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:38,710
Keith, you're awake.

191
00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:41,270
You're doing fine, Fielding.
Temperature's normal.

192
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,760
Vital signs are all good.

193
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,560
She's gonna make it.

194
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:51,300
Oh, we did it. That must hurt.

195
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:52,560
Oh, yes.

196
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:56,240
Oh, pain shot all the way up to here.
Oh, thanks.

197
00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:00,040
Dan Fielding?

198
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:02,680
Yes, Keister, you're feeling better?

199
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,420
Gordon Mooney say you saved my life.

200
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,980
Oh, well, it's nothing more than any
other decent, courageous...

201
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,640
A remarkably attractive man would have
done.

202
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:19,120
I never thought that when I first see
the sleeping stranger, that he would

203
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,200
out my appendix.

204
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:23,600
Well, gee, I hope you don't think that
was too forward of me.

205
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,920
We had to make sure you got better so
you could come visit me in New York

206
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,320
Maybe Nami Lama come visit you, too.

207
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:35,000
Oh, sure, you can sleep in the fridge so
you don't get homesick.

208
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:40,609
What happened?

209
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:41,870
Oxbow, get radio working.

210
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,470
Ah, excuse me. Excuse me.

211
00:12:44,590 --> 00:12:48,630
Oxbow. I love you. You're a beautiful
man. I love you. How did you get it to

212
00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:51,570
work? Come on, find the switch. Turn it
on.

213
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,970
I guess that's why he chief.

214
00:12:56,270 --> 00:12:59,190
Hello? Hello, this is Gordon Mooney. Can
anybody hear me?

215
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:00,850
I got somebody.

216
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:02,870
I'm going home.

217
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,070
I'm going home.

218
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,370
Hey, guys, I am going home.

219
00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,730
Listen, you lugs, too, I'm not going to
forget you. When I get back, I'm sending

220
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,410
back gifts. Breath mints for everybody.

221
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:18,750
And you, little lady, as soon as you get
better, I'm sending you a plane ticket

222
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:19,970
and you're coming to New York.

223
00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:24,850
I said I'd write.

224
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:29,470
Well,

225
00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:33,090
this must be the place.

226
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:40,810
You get the feeling nobody's getting
lucky in New York City tonight?

227
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,150
Well, how's it going?

228
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:48,770
Wally's got them primed and ready to go.
There wasn't a dry eye on the house

229
00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:50,970
when he played Roll Out the Coffin.

230
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,390
My God, can you believe all these are
for Dan?

231
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,330
Rest in peace, Dan.

232
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:00,530
Your friends at Bob's Battery City.

233
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,490
Afternoon, Your Honor.

234
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:05,730
Hi, Phil.

235
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:06,459
What's this?

236
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:09,540
It's a copy of Dan's favorite letter to
Penthouse.

237
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,320
I had it framed.

238
00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:15,100
I think Dan would have wanted it this
way.

239
00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:18,420
I know Dan would have wanted it this
way.

240
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:24,340
So what do you say we take a seat and
get started, huh?

241
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:27,500
Good afternoon, everybody.

242
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,640
For those of you who don't know me, I'm
Judge Harold T. Stone.

243
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:41,390
Well, I guess some of you do know me.

244
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:50,010
Each of us here today had his or her own
special relationship

245
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:51,650
with Dan Fielding.

246
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:58,250
Friend, acquaintance, business
associate.

247
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:06,710
We are not here to mourn the passing of
the man as much as we are here to

248
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,690
celebrate his life.

249
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:16,060
I think we can all agree that Dan
Fielding was a wonderful man.

250
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,200
Well,

251
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,260
then we can agree that he had
outstanding qualities.

252
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,280
Well,

253
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:33,060
certainly we can agree that he was tall.

254
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:40,160
I'll be expanding on that height thing
as the...

255
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,480
Service continues.

256
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,020
Right now, does anyone want to get up
and say something about Dan?

257
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,500
I'd like to say something.

258
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:50,780
Yes, the lady in the canine wear.

259
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,980
Dan was one of the most thoughtful,
sensitive men I ever knew.

260
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,360
The two of us had many shared interests.

261
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,380
In fact...

262
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:08,240
One of Dan's favorite things was when
I'd put my legs behind my neck.

263
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:09,940
Well, thank you.

264
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:19,160
For that nearly inspirational thought.

265
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,120
All right, who's next?

266
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,160
Mac.

267
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,820
You want to see what you know about Dan?

268
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,280
In front of everybody?

269
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,360
Mac, help me out.

270
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:47,560
Let me see.

271
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,100
Dan Fielding.

272
00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:56,540
Well, he always kept his fingernails
nicely trimmed.

273
00:16:58,420 --> 00:16:59,420
Thank you.

274
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,700
Who was this Fielding guy?

275
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:05,490
I've seen people get more choked up
flushing goldfish.

276
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,050
Buddy, he was my friend.

277
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,310
We were all Dan's friends.

278
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:18,410
And sure, it's tough for us to
articulate how we felt about him because

279
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:19,410
special.

280
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:22,230
Dan Fielding was more than just an
attorney.

281
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,750
He was more than just a man.

282
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:30,990
Dan Fielding was... a mammal.

283
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,240
That was mine.

284
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:42,660
Excuse me, Your Honor, I have something
to say. Please, Ross.

285
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:46,520
Can I help you?

286
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,920
Yes, I'm here for the funeral of a
wonderful, warm, substantial man.

287
00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:53,060
Sorry, this is the fielding, sir.

288
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:02,480
The Dan Fielding I knew was a self
-centered, egotistical, boot -licking...

289
00:18:03,110 --> 00:18:06,510
Disgustingly perverted sack of slime in
a $500 suit.

290
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,090
She can't say that.

291
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:12,210
Put a sock in it, Furface.

292
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:19,730
Dan's every action had an ulterior
motive.

293
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:25,150
If he gave you the shirt off his back,
you can bet his pants and underwear

294
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:26,150
quickly follow.

295
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,100
But I also remember another Dan
Fielding.

296
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:41,480
In a time when I went into insulin
shock, I was on a ledge, hallucinating.

297
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,260
Without regard for his own personal
safety,

298
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:48,840
Dan Fielding saved my life.

299
00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:53,180
Yes, Dan Fielding.

300
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,460
The same man who has the length of his
tongue printed on his business card.

301
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:17,430
Because of Dan, that I'm able to be here
to badmouth him today.

302
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,550
I miss you, Dan.

303
00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:29,090
We all miss Dan.

304
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:33,730
And that is why we're here.

305
00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:36,970
Because he was a part of our lives.

306
00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:44,770
And maybe that's all that needs to be
said.

307
00:19:47,950 --> 00:19:49,150
I tell it is.

308
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:51,610
Would you shut up, Dan?

309
00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:53,490
I'm trying to... Dan!

310
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:56,930
You're alive!

311
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:00,530
Huggies!

312
00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:06,270
Don't expect a refund just because he's
alive.

313
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:09,170
Guys, I can't breathe.

314
00:20:09,690 --> 00:20:11,650
And whoever groped me, thanks.

315
00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:14,990
Dad, they told us you were dead.

316
00:20:15,470 --> 00:20:19,250
Nearly. I was rescued by a seal and
nursed back to health by an enormous

317
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:20,250
lady.

318
00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:22,090
These cod liver all in an enema.

319
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:26,890
Hey, look, what do you say we go to
McCann's and celebrate? You can fill us

320
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:27,890
on all the details.

321
00:20:28,030 --> 00:20:30,390
Will you ladies join us?

322
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:33,750
Geez, Dan, first you're dead, now you're
alive.

323
00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:36,310
I hate a man who can't make a
commitment.

324
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,880
Kathy, Candy, Bambi, Mindy, Cindy.

325
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:43,920
Come on.

326
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,660
I've got so much to share with you. I've
learned how to gut a fish and tie up a

327
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:48,660
dog team.

328
00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:50,940
Hey,

329
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:55,140
look, let's blow this joint. Let's hear
some of those stories. Yeah, let's go.

330
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,100
The dead guy's buying.

331
00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:00,100
You know, I had a beard once.

332
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:02,100
Why'd you shave it off?

333
00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:03,780
Shave it off?

334
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,200
That would have been a lot easier.

335
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:13,800
I'm glad you're back, Dan.

336
00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:16,980
Missed me, huh?

337
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,920
Yeah, I was beginning to believe that
what I wore under my clothing was my

338
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:22,920
business.

339
00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:24,780
Perish the thought.

340
00:21:27,180 --> 00:21:32,880
Dan, I know we've had our differences,
but... When I thought that you were

341
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:39,900
I felt so... So... But

342
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:40,900
now that you're...

343
00:21:48,629 --> 00:21:49,629
Tissue time.

344
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,110
I missed you, pal.

345
00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:57,770
Oh, God, Harry, I missed you, too.

346
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:04,750
Dan, you... You... You really

347
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:05,790
stink.

348
00:22:08,850 --> 00:22:11,810
Yeah, I know, but it's nothing that a
bar of soap in a belt center won't fix.

349
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,820
So it was weird trying to put together a
memorial service for you.

350
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,420
Memorial? Is that what you call this?
This wasn't a memorial, Harry. It was a

351
00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:21,420
roast.

352
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,160
What's the matter? Slappy white and red
buttons weren't available?

353
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,400
Well, you know, you're not exactly an
easy guy to sum up in a couple of words.

354
00:22:30,660 --> 00:22:34,580
I mean, what do you say about a man who
one minute is saving someone's life and

355
00:22:34,580 --> 00:22:38,080
the next minute is taking bets on a
nun's bra size?

356
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,720
Well, I am what I am.

357
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:48,010
Yeah, well, whatever it is that you is,
it's good to have it back.

358
00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:51,190
Thanks, Henry. It is great to be back.

359
00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,030
Must have been hell up north.

360
00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:57,250
Oh, yeah, but you know what? It had its
moment, too. And there was. This cute

361
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,370
little number up there, she'd have
knocked your socks off, I tell you. I

362
00:23:00,370 --> 00:23:03,030
her that as soon as she gets to New
York, she's got to come and visit me.

363
00:23:04,790 --> 00:23:10,010
She got a sister?